When a dog passes away

Today, at two o'clock, one of my friends will fall into eternal slumber. A huge S:t Bernad, and my friend since almost three years. It's always so hard when a pet passes away...even if it's not your own. She's old, nine years, but still... Every time you lose a pet, it hurts.
She's been ill for a few weeks... Cancer. And at the end she couldn't use one of her legs because of it... But she was always so happy and cuddly. A trickster who's greatest joy in the world was trying to make me fall down. *laugh* She'd lean against my legs with all of her 84 kilos and most of the time I couldn't keep standing. When she managed to push me over into a big snow heap she barked and pranced and was delighted.
Such a silly, sweet dog. I will miss her... 

Cinnamon-rolls

Wow, it's been a long time since I actually baked Cinnamon-rolls, so yesterday I did! They turned out huge! *giggles* I hadn't really calculated that they'd grow so much... They are like the palm of my hand. o.o I wonder what I did different from what I usually do...?

Oh, and our balcony is a flowery paradise at the moment. <3 My beloved grabbed the camera and took some pictures that I'd like to share with you! Aren't they lovely?

It seems like today will be the ideal day to enjoy a cup of tea on the balcony. :)

The great misunderstanding

I don't want my blog to turn into a debate, so I'm just going to keep this short. Since the gay festival 'Pride' is now running, I thought I wanted to dedicate this post to a very common misunderstanding between gay and straight people.
If you read my earlier post, you know that I'm not blaming anyone for anything - those who dislike gay people probably have reasons. Whether it be religion, fear, lack of knownledge or a closed mind. I would like, however, to clear out one misunderstanding that I think is very common.

Most straight people who think about gay people, tend to define homosexuality as 'people who like to have sex with someone of the same gender'. This is the misunderstanding, because that definition is false. The definition should be 'people who have feelings toward someone with the same gender'. People have sex with someone they don't love every day, and a lot of gay people live unhappily in straight relationships for several reasons - because it wasn't acceptable when they were young, because of their family, because of denial.
Also, this misunderstanding usually ends up twisted - the straight person trying to protect themselves as if the gay person would have sex with anyone of the same gender.
That's also false. I mean, come on. Would a straight person want to have sex with anyone of the opposite gender? No. You look for someone who's pretty or someone you fall in love with. Gay people are no different. We just happen to fall in love with someone of the same gender rather than opposite, it has nothing to do with sex.
And if you look at it from that perspective... That this is all about love and not sex, I think that a lot of worrying, fearful people would relax. You don't fall in love with anyone you see. Love and sex are not synonymes. Though it may be hard to understand, that's how it is. Movies (even pornography) are very misleading, focusing on the wrong aspects most of the time.
Love is all there is. Feelings quite the same as everyone else. And can just as easily be hurt. But we're not that different at all. :)

The importance of love and acceptance

A lot of people tend to say that 'anime and manga are just cartoons, don't look too deep in the philosophy of them'. But I don't agree. I think that anime and manga - by large - play a more important role than people might expect.
I've heard a lot of complaining about how many main characters are orphans, and I don't understand those complains either. It's common and quite accepted that stories that are supposed to make the main character grow start by the main character being cut loose from most ties of the past. Whether by them breaking lose, family dying or disappearing - or lack of a parent to begin with. I think it's important since those stories really throw the character right into a determination that makes it grow.
And it can symbolise being thrown out into a large and very unforgiving world.

What I think is most important though, is that most series (I don't count ecchi, since I very much dislike this genre) have a very clear sensmorale; love and acceptance will find a way, and it will change the world and how we think. It's so easy to hate, but very hard to accept things we don't understand, and it can feel impossible to love everyone.
But I think that a large step on the way is trying to understand why someone acted a certain way. What shaped that person into being who they were? Look underneath the underneath as Kakashi once said (a character from the popular series Naruto).
I mean... We can take something all of us can relate to as example: the local drunk. A person who sits on a bench drinking, seemingly doing nothing at all. What do people do? They avoid, and speak ill of this person when it can't hear. And when it seeks contact we shy away, with strained politeness and rush on.
We don't stop and wonder: Why did this person resort to drinking in the first place?
People very seldom do things without a reason - no matter how petty it may seem - so there must be something.

There was this man I used to see every day as I walked to the bus. Every day, he sat on the same bench, alone. So one day, when I had a couple of lollipops, I went up to him and gave him a lollipop. I don't think the happiness on his face can be described with words. He looked so relieved not to have to sit there alone. So I sat down and talked to him, and learned that he'd been thrown out by his wife, but he loved her. So he came here every day, and sat on the bench near her house, hoping that she would change her mind some day. He was very sad and lonely, and thanked me for listening to his story.
I never saw him again.
I don't know if somehow me listening to his story made him able to go on, or if something happened to him. Maybe he summoned to courage to ring the doorbell, maybe his wife took him back I don't know. But it was one of those things I will not easily forget.

I don't think that I would have bothered trying to make contact if I hadn't learned to accept people the way they are - no matter what they look like or where they come from - and accept the fact that every person have their own past that shaped their here and now. Sure, some people may just be very bad at making choices in their lives, but most people don't just end up in that position. They all have stories of their own.

I also know how hard it is to be that person who is pushed away, left out, ignored, badmouthed behind your back...the person who's always out of luck, who always loses everything that means something.
That unlucky person who always end up lonely and sad.
I know how that feels, and I know how it feels when nobody - not even family - bothers to try to help, listen to your story and understand you. When your very existence is being questioned, and you wonder why you were put down on this earth in the first place since nobody seems to need you.

It's the hardest thing. To not have a place or a reason to exist. And when you finally find it, you hold onto it so desperately. You care for it, nurture it as if every day was the last - because you know it is so fragile. Trust comes hard, and is easily damaged.

I think that if I hadn't started watching anime I'd probably still be that bitter, lonely person. But I'm not. I changed because I had to. There was no other choice. And hearing all those stories, all those reasons to fight... I learned that it's okay to be me. And once I accepted that there was no reason to it all, that children are simply cruel to each other - and most people who are mean don't realise how much what they do hurt, neither do they really mean to hurt - then I was able to create my first bonds.

And I will always treasure them, since I know how important it is to have people you can trust and love - and who knows they can depend on you as well.

If you never watched any anime at all, you should try it. :) Pick some series that are very popular (and that isn't 'ecchi' - they're easily recognised because there's always pantyshots and large, bouncing breasts in them) and watch some of it to see what I mean.
I would personally recommend reading the Naruto manga (the anime is good as well, but it has a lot of filler episodes so it's much longer) and read Full Metal Alchemist or watch the Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood-series (not the one without 'Brotherhood' because it's...really...weird and only loosely follow the manga) and Rurouni Kenshin.

A warm day

The sun is already high in the sky this early morning, and not a single cloud is in sight. I have a feeling that this will be a very warm day... But that is good in a way, although I'm not too fond of heat, because maybe our tomatoe plants will take the chance of the sun to grow. :) They've been very late this year... But they smell wonderful. <3

Two weeks of freedom, then it will be hard work at University. While I know that it will be three exhausting years - with all the commuting I'll be doing - I'm looking forward to it. :) I've also decided I don't give a damn what anyone thinks about my style of fashion. I'll just whip their asses (excuse me...) if they give me problems. I seem to have forgotten that I'm quite far from a weak little flower - I was reminded of that the other day.
That said...the dress for school is coming along nicely. :) I just have to narrow the shoulders a bit, since my shoulders are too narrow for the Japanese patterns. My only concern at the moment is that I have to find time and energy to sew a couple of drawers since my favourite pair are worn out. It's hard to find a good length and combine it with a fabric that is soft to the skin, but thick enough so it won't bunch up.

Ah, the worries of a Lolita... I was going to bake some tea pastries yesterday, but realised we were out of eggs. So maybe I will do that today instead. :)

And the doll is coming along! :D Some joints need attacking, the arms left to cut - hands and feet need to be made - and make holes for the strings of course! And when all that is done...painting.

Morbid dolls

I think people have been fascinated by death for centuries. And it's everywhere - dolls, movies, music videos, litterature... I started thinking about it because I found a seller on Etsy that made Victorian boudair dolls that had skeleton heads. Why do people find it so fascinating? Skulls have turned up in so many different places, and they always represent something forbidden - and humans love forbidden things...

Not many can have missed the romantisation of vampires for example - Anne Rice being a good example of this - and zombies are so popular they have more or less become standard in horror games and movies. If you want to make something frightening - use death, whether in the form of zombies (Dawn of the Dead, Living Dead and I am Legend for example) or vampires or even necromancers.
Everyone that reads fantasy have encountered them in some form.

Then there is the Goth style. Skulls as decoration, dark colours - most popular being black and bloody red. Even Lolita have this style, called 'Gothic Lolita'. All the rules that come with Lolita applies to Gothic Lolita as well, so some popular elements that exist in Goth (such as net stockings and revealing corsets and cleavages) don't exist in Gothic Lolita. But even so... Zombie dolls or otherwise morbid dolls are very common. Wallets shaped like coffins and gothic crosses.
For example, there's the Living Dead Dolls

or torn and battered stuffed toys with visible stitches and often bandages or button-eyes.

I can, somehow, understand why it is so popular. Death in itself is a very frightening thing, and still...people are drawn to it. I imagine it is a sort of thrill, not unrelated to the thrill of doing something that's forbidden. And there seems to be no clear line where it goes into something that's not acceptable - each on his or hers own tolerance. Anyone who has seen - like I have - Braindead by Peter Jackson know what I mean. We all have different tolerance level.
What's fun? What's scary? What is simply too much?

It seems when it comes to art statements, pretty much anything goes. And isn't that what is so wonderful about art?

Lolita underthings

With Lolita, the most important things are those that cannot be seen. I am, of course, talking about underthings. As an essential part of our clothes, they make us feel comfortable and - in the case of petticoats - shape our dresses and skirts to that lovely bell shape.
I suppose the most common underthings for Lolita is a petticoat and drawers, but this is by no means the only underthings there are! If you are like me, you don't want too much elastics and waistlines to press against your stomach - so wearing drawers, skirt and petticoat would be really uncomfortable. But! They are necessary. So what to do?

There are much inspiration to be found in 19th century fashion (if we chose to ignore the tightlacing of corsets) which will help us. One example is the camiknicker (also known by the more modern word 'teddy' or 'bodysuit' or sometimes called 'Combination' when talking about historical clothes). It is - for us - a camisole with the drawers attached to it as a single garment. Modern versions have elastic by the waist, but there is no reason to have it for us since we don't wear it to be sexy. It is a very pretty, luxurious garment if done right, and can be richly decorated with lace and embroidery.

(An old photograph of a lady wearing a camiknicker with richly decorated drawers combined with a camisole.)

Then there is, of course, the slip dress. Although I am not very fond of the word (I prefer to call it 'under dress'), the slip dress is perfect for many dresses and a good alternative to the standard petticoat. For some dresses - such as most empire cut baby doll dresses - I actually recommend wearing a slip dress to! A slip dress is quite simply this - a dress (usually white) to wear underneath your usual dress. To protect the skin, and to protect the dress should you sweat.
A slip dress is very similar to the camiknicker, with the exception that instead of drawers, you have a petticoat attached instead. The slip dress can range from a simple, plain dress to a very elaborate one with an actual layered skirt - just keep in mind if you layer your skirt that the shoulder straps are not too thin, or the pressure on your shoulders will be uncomfortable.
I, myself, prefer a slip dress that have small sleeves rather than shoulder straps, with a buttoned up front. The buttons must be small and flat, else you risk them being visible when you wear your dress over it.

Lastly, there is the camisole and bloomers/drawers combination, where the two are separate garments. Wearing nothing but a bra underneath a dress or blouse and skirt ensemble is not recommended, especially not if you risk sweating on a hot day. The camisoles can be very pretty - ranging from an actual camisole with shoulder straps and embroidered front, to a small, plain blouse with buttoned up front (keep in mind to make the sleeves snug or they will make your actual blouse look bumpy at the sleeves). Drawers and bloomers can be any variation of decoration, just as long as you're careful so they won't peek out beneath the skirt.
The difference between bloomers and drawers is that bloomers are the shorter version, while drawers can range anywhere from just above the knee down to your ankles.
Bloomers must be worn with caution, since they are in the danger zone for Lolita - they reveal too much skin. Sometimes, though, it may be necessary to wear bloomers - for a baby doll empire dress for example - but be careful! Drawers are usually more comfortable as well, and don't ride up like bloomers tend to do. I recommend only wearing bloomers with pantyhoses (not the transparent kind!!), since even if you wear over-the-knee socks it's very risque.
Please keep in mind that 'cute' isn't a synonyme to 'Lolita'. Bloomers may be very cute, but they are to be used with great care in combination with Lolita.

Well, that's it for me today. :) I hope it inspired you!