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Thursday, 4 April 2013

The dreamer

Ever since I was a kid, I've always had my head in the clouds. Pretty much. It's got nothing to do with being a day dreamer, though I did day dream quite a lot to escape the quite unfriendly reality. I've always been, as some would believe, lost in my own thoughts in my own world, and I can imagine I came off as quite a detached kid. It's not a wrong assumption, though I did see and notice a lot more than people thought I did.

Now that I'm all grown up, this hasn't really changed. I'm still detached, and if left alone I'll disappear into myself. And if I sit down with something, I can completely forget time and space, losing track of pretty much everything. I think a lot of people have noticed that, and people probably still assume that because I'm like that, I don't notice things. That's a bit dangerous, because it's wrong.

I've heard plenty of people talk badly of me, when they think I'm not listening. The funny thing about it, is that all those people who do, don't know me at all. They have no clue about anything, and some even think that I care what they think. You often hear people say that. "Don't you care what people think?", "You're embarrassing!", "What century does that guy think he's living in?"

The sad thing is - a lot of people do care what others think. I don't. Through the years, I watched people, seeing just how rotten they can be. Inside out. I've listened to the shallow conversations, I haven't missed a thing. Rotten, rotten, rotten, all of you who think you can tell others what they should do, and have an opinion on how they should live their lives. It's a drag listening to your pathetic existences and sometimes I just block all that useless talking out with music in my ears.


Not everyone is rotten, like I used to think when I was young and lonely - not lonely as in 'friends weren't around at the time', but truly lonely. As in only having two numbers in your cell phone - both to your parents. As in empty friend lists. As in no on to talk to. As in making up friends just to have someone to talk to. Truly alone.

Nowadays, that has changed. My friends are few, but precious to me. And the best thing of all, is that they understand and accept me, even if most would consider me weird. (Heh, even I think I'm weird.) But what really gives me hope, is that I've seen good people out there, too, now. Before, I didn't see anyone. All I saw was rotten people, and if I'd cared what the rotten people thought about me, I wouldn't be here now. Call it self defense if you wish. There are nice, kind and beautiful people around, and sometimes they just feel like brighten your day by acknowledging your existance - just to tell you that you are special.

It's when that happens that I feel it was all worth it. I've seen the bad, so the good shines all the brighter to me. I'm not good with words (I'm writing nonsense right now, I'm sure), so I don't say a lot, but...light does shine brighter in the dark. <3

I wonder just how many people like me there are out there?